College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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