if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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