god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
