Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
