My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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