I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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