All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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