rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
