There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
