I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize