Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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