He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
