Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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