Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Terrible idea I love it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
