Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
