...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
