She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
