So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this will be a night to untag.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
