how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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