I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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