Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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