The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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