i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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