I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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