There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
