when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
