Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
