Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
