My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
