Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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