oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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