whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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