i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
