There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
