I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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