On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
