absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
