i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
