OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
