just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
