He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
