think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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