I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
