im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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