Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
