I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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