Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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