you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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