I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
