Will you blow on my dice?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
