dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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