My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
