White coat. Heels.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
