Are we still banned from the library?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
FUCK WHALES
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
