I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
